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It’s 2am on the clock – no, it’s already past 2. The last time you checked that ticking clock behind you, it just strike 12 midnight. ‘How swift time flies’ you thought. You wished the faster the time flies, the faster it will too drift away whatever you want to vanish already…and leave you alone. But no, you know things don’t work that way, they move even slower than the hour-hand, and they couldn’t even keep up with that slow pace.

Tick tick tick -

Your eyes kept a flat stare at the clock. What were you thinking? Your sentiments won’t cooperate with your stubbornness. With that hard look on your face, there’s no wonder you felt like a stone. Tick.

Finally you gave-up at the staring match you know you have no chance of winning. The CD you’ve been playing skipped and stopped – the player gets tired and exhausted too, but your mind isn’t. And though your eyes are dead beat and weary, so weary they wanted to shut themselves close without your will’s permission, you didn’t oblige. Instead you dueled with the ceiling, next. Now you felt like a real loser, chaining untamed memories you thought you have boxed out already. It was so long ago – ‘how swift time flies’. But you know it will take more than time to battle it out. Because you were unconsciously making it stay. How will it ever leave if you let it stay in a cozy place? You push it away but you hold onto it. You let it go but your hands stay clasped. It’s like reflex. Just when you thought you had it all done, you were just about to start, yet again. You know you still can’t. You know you’d still not win. Not yet.

You sneered at the ceiling and rolled your eyes. Your opponent is unfair, but just as you are. Right from the start you know how the match would end. You know. -

You let your eyes shut this time and something warm traced your face.
Now you know what that means. It’s really about time you go to sleep.

So everything could fade away…again…for tonight.

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You fumbled through old notes and photographs and your lips
managed to curve up a smile.

For a while you remained silent and in deep thought.

Your hand moved across and searched for more, but all your
trembling fingers found was the bottom.

There’s no need to look just to prove; your hands have felt the
flat surface. Your hands have found the corners.

There were nothing more. Indeed it was now empty, just as you
are, unhappy.

When have you stopped putting things in your memory box?

Have you delved too much on sadness and forgot all about
happiness?

Or have you stored in all the happiness you’ve known until all
that’s left with you was…sadness?

And now you’re empty, unhappy.

You let yourself straighten up and the pieces fell on the floor.

They scattered like shattered glass, and just like your
thoughts, they lay in shambles.

You have to prove yourself wrong. It’s not sadness…of course
it’s not.

How could you be sad when the world sees you laugh?

How could you be empty when you fill your glasses with cheers?

Yes, it’s not sadness…of course it’s not.

Perhaps you just feel unwell, But never unhappy…

You’ve started to play the piano, played the first piece you’ve
ever learned.

You’ve hit the right keys, but missed the right notes.

You’ve always wondered why the music never got out of the
sheets.

You’ve known how to play it…without knowing how
to really play it.

And still, it was left unplayed, unsung; just as you are,
unhappy.

You’ve found true love, but how could they be sure that true love
has found you?

You’ve already let things work on their own,

So why search for a missing thing when a new piece lay in front
of you?

You’ve learned well how to keep feelings like keepsakes in a
box.

You’ve learned well how to divert emotions like a perfectly mis tuned melody.

You’re good at learning things.

But you’re never good at teaching how to fool yourself…

 

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